August 5th, 2007

I came to a shocking realization whilst not moving from my couch all day long.

(Lies. I actually moved several times - Once to go back to bed for 2 hours, and a few more times to get either ginger ale or water or potato chips because those were the only food groups that I could keep down today.)

Anyway, back to my realization. I flirt like a 4th grade boy.

You know what I mean? When little boys chase little girls (or other little boys...ain't no shame in that game) all over the playground, throwing dirt at them and calling them names and putting gum on their chairs and whatnot? That's me. Except I'm a 23 year-old girl. So instead of gum and dirt I throw dirty looks and caustic sarcasm. Nice.

There's a reason I thought internet dating was the way to go - I could put all of my dickishness out there, right up front. Guys knew exactly what they were getting when they read my profile. I didn't have a chance to be all coy and smiley and flirty before killing my chances dead with bitchy snarkiness and the liberal use of the word 'douchebag.'

I swear to god I'm a nice person...as long as I don't find you remotely attractive.