Day 29

I only need to say 2 things.

1) I got an email last night from the powers-that-be at match.com informing me that either my headline (which, as we all know, I had just tried to alter) or my username was not up to match.com’s rigorous standards.

Now, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned what my username is before this, so let me tell you a little story.

When I first decided to sign up for this cyber lovefest, the very first thing they ask of you is to come up with a username. Now, I know I’ve mentioned some real classics prior to this post (“psycho” and “chicagohunk21” both spring to mind) but I didn’t really understand at this (apparently) critical first crossroads that I was coming up with a username that other people would actually see (I’m hoping “psycho” made the same mistake, but I think that hope died with the completion of his full-sleeve tats.)

Anyway, first I tried to use literally my entire name, which coincidentally is also my gmail address. Thank GOD that was already in use, most likely by someone else who reeeeally didn’t get the whole match.com setup. So I settled on RileySG, my last name and my first 2 initials. When I finally did figure out that legit every guy who looked at my profile saw my username, I was admittedly a little weirded out. I mean, these dudes live within a few miles of me. How hard could it be for that medieval knight to use his medieval tracking skills and come galloping in to my living room late one night, swords blazing? But typical Sarah…I spent like 2 minutes dwelling on it and then Lost was on and I was checked out. Never really thought about it again.

Which brings us back to last night’s email. Now, wouldn’t it have been awesome if match.com separated two COMPLETELY UNRELATED issues (headlines and usernames) so that you could easier decipher what the problem was? Yes, it would be awesome, but no, match.com prefers to combine as much as possible in as few emails as possible. Awesome.

So since I had just changed my headline to “Awesomeness and Hilarity Required” I skimmed through the headline requirements and even though:
1) It wasn’t sexually explicit or profane
2) It was in English
3) It didn’t solicit, and
4) It had no detailed personal information i.e. last names, phone numbers, etc.
I obviously still thought, “Well, it’s gotta be the headline” which I promptly logged on and switched to “What was all that one in a million talk?” which actually I like better.

And then I read through the requirements again. And number 4 REEEEALLY popped out at me. And then I logged on and changed my username to just my initials and my age.

I mean, I would feel stupid about the whole thing if it hadn’t taken match.com A FULL 4 WEEKS to realize that my username wasn’t appropriate. Come on! I could have been skewered on the end of a jousting…stick (or whatever they call them) by now!

But I got a better headline out of it, so really it was a win-win.

2) I had a dream last night in which I had a date with a match.com person and it turned out it was Danny DeVito. My dad was really excited for me. I was whatever the opposite of really excited is.

He did give me a really cool pair of tennis shoes though (Danny, not my dad.)