I'm so sorry I've left all...none of you hanging for almost 2 weeks. I would have posted, but...well, there's literally nothing new to post. I've been exchanging emails with a guy named JD who seems very nice and normal but...well, I'll shoot you straight. He's wearing puka shells in his profile picture.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not going to immediately write this guy off for puka shells. Puka shells are not on the same level as emoticons, or excessive exclamation points, or 35 year-olds who "often visit my folks up here in Naperville on Sundays, Would you be up for a drink or movie tonight!?" and who then give me their phone number and sign off "hope to talk to you soon Gorgeous." Ok...I've never seen a more blatant attempt at a 1 night stand in my entire life. And where would we have this 1 night stand? HIS PARENTS' HOUSE? Awesome.
But back to the puka shells. In my experience, every single guy I've ever met over the age of 16 who wears puka shells is a gigantic tool. I mean, ENORMOUS. Like frosts-his-tips, wears-overly-tight-ringer-tees-with-lame-suggestive-phrases-like-"grab-a-girl-pack-the-car-pitch-a-tent," doesn't-drink-beer-because-he's-afraid-it-will-go-straight-to-his-man-boobs TOOL. I'll let it slide and keep you posted on how it goes, but I'm not overly optimistic.
IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE: I just googled Abercrombie, because guys who shop at that store epitomize my reasons for the puka shell aversion, and the shirts that they have are honest to God the most ridiculous things I have ever seen. Some of my favorites include:
- "I'm a nice guy...I'll finish last."
- "I'll make you a star on the walk of shame."
- "Sex without love is just exercise"
- and every one's favorite "Abercrombie: Sexy never left."
If I ever meet the person who came up with these slogans, I will not hesitate for a second before punching him or her directly in the baby maker. DIRECTLY.
I guess that's all for now.
Why does Abercrombie even exist?
1 comment:
What about 50% single? Doesn't that get a shout out?
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