Day 2

I would have posted on Day 1, but the excitement was just too much. I mean, between picking out attractive pictures that conform to match.com's ridiculous standards (no see-thru clothes? Who do you think I am? Someone who actually owns clothes that are not see-thru? Guess that onesie made out of pantyhose material is out. Shoot.) and editing my 3,000+ character personal essay, I was overwhelmed by the sheer possibility of it all. How many winks would I get? (So far? 3.) Would I get them immediately or would I have to wait? (I would have to wait...but only like 4 hours. Some sad sap messaged me at like 4 in the morning...buddy, 4 in the morning SCREAMS lonely and tragic, not optimistic and looking for love. Think about it.) Would the guys that I winked only after screaming like a school girl wink me back? (One would, and of course it was the one who, prior to screaming like a school girl/clicking on the "wink for free" icon, I actually had a sober moment and thought...hmm. Maaaybe not so much. But apparently that's the level I should shoot for, since the chubby football player-type I winked (weird) was not feeling me. Or maybe it was the picture I posted of me with my face in a vat of frozen cosmos he wasn't feeling. The world may never know.)

So, 24 hours later, here I am, 6 pictures uploaded, 5 guys have contacted me, 4 guys have sent me messages and nobody fits my most important qualification - Not one of them has made me laugh out loud...or even on the inside either (The notable exception being the guy who I'm pretty sure sent me his senior picture...from high school. And in that case I was most definitely not laughing WITH him, an important distinction.) However, I'm reasonably certain every single one of them meets my "willing to teach me how to play video games" qualification - you know, on the console in their parents' basement. Because 3 of the 5 still live at home. With their parents. And probably some siblings. And perhaps the family pet. And nothing says "not tonight sweatheart" more than the 12 year old yellow lab with a goiter the size of a baseball growing out of his shoulder trying to lick your face while you're trying to master those wireless - and dangerous, from what I hear in various fluff pieces on the 10:00 news - Wii controllers. Nothing, I tell you.

And then there was the wink I got at about 5:15 pm this evening, from a guy whose match.com moniker includes the word "psycho." I wish I were making this up, but I'm not. This guy actually sat down after making the life-altering decision to put himself out there on match.com and, when faced with the arduous task of picking out a screenname, immediately thought "psycho! THAT will send winks-a-million my way!" So obviously I immediately wrote him off, though quite frankly if he's stupid enough to pick a word like "psycho" as his descriptor, he's probably not smart enough to cause any real damage. Any yet, I was still intrigued. So I decided to check out his profile. I'm going to go ahead and cut and paste a few choice lines from his essay because (a) I'm a bitch and (b) the only people reading this are never, under any circumstances, going to be this "psycho" character - I'm basically banking on the tree falling in the forest theory...except by "no one hearing it fall" I mean no one hearing it that is this guy from match.com. Right. Anyway. On with the show.

"I'm looking for someone who is thier-self and not something they're not." Oooooh. Good point.
"My friends define me as the funny yet weird guy that does or says something funny and weird." So he is funny yet weird and does things that are funny AND weird. Crucial difference, glad he clarified.
"I'm open-minded like to do anything 1 or 5 times, then say I don't like this." I don't even understand what that means.
"I have 2 full tattoo sleeves, 6 piercings, so you would have to have a found love for 'em as well." No, he is not kidding. Both arms, MAD tats. I guess that black figure 8 knot on my back has doomed me to borderline illiterate guys who rock head-to-toe black pleather in one of their pictures. Again, not kidding.

Alright that's enough. I actually felt God glaring at me there for a minute.

UPDATE: A guy that I winked about about 6:30 just winked back mere MINUTES later. Now the ball is back in my court...to email or not to email.

I leave you on that incredibly suspenseful note. Try not to pee your pants.