Day 3, A.M.

I DID end up emailing the guy who winked back. My subject line was "stop being so coy" and then I told him that I dug the fact that he liked Family Guy. I mean, what else am I supposed to say? His profile, unlike mine, is not exactly rife with talking points. And speaking of which, I feel like I should post my profile essay here so that you all have a sense of just how utterly whacked-out I find this whole situation to be, and also what I'm expecting from my potential cybermate. I mean, if you're not going to tell me upfront what your favorite water-based mammal is, what hope is there for our future?

I like to sleep with a fan on, even in the dead of winter. My favorite meal is breakfast and my favorite restaurant is any establishment that serves breakfast 24 hours a day. I love dogs and I hate cats. My favorite land-based mammal is a toss-up between the elephant and the polar bear. My favorite water-based mammal is without question the seal. Or the sea otter. Or the penguin. My parents are my best friends, followed closely by my babysitter, who (don’t worry) has not babysat me for about 7 years (5 years if we count the times my parents went out of town and wouldn't leave me alone in the house overnight because they “trusted me but not my friends.” Right. They were totally right though. I tried to have a party anyway and my babysitter blatantly busted us. Anyway.) I hate the dentist. I love Caddyshack. I love to bake. The old man on the Six Flags commercials really freaks me out, as do all PG-13 scary movies, i.e. The Others or The Mothman Prophesies. If I had a chance to make out with the guy that plays PC on the iMac commercials I absolutely would and in no way does that make me easy. I love to read. My favorite imported beer is Stella Artois. My favorite domestic is Bud Light. My favorite non-beer is champagne. I hate watching people make out on TV. I love water - swimming in it, boating on it...drinking it. I often like to express myself through the art of dance, mostly to songs like "The Right Stuff" by NKOTB or "Baby Baby" by Amy Grant. Or sometimes "Juicy" by Notorious B.I.G. Depends on my mood. I secretly love The Real Housewives of Orange County and I openly love Top Chef. I think Jack Black is awesome.

My perfect match is absolutely hilarious. He is smart and would be okay with – and good at – teaching me how to play video games. He is the kind of person who practices his golf swing in his living room while watching the Masters but doesn't actually play golf. He does, however, bowl. He is outgoing and charming and will have a separate life that I know about but don't need to be a part of. He will challenge me, and not only with his sick, circa-1996-when-boy-bands-were-coming-out-of-Orlando-faster-than-you-can-say-Britney-put-down-the-electric-razor dance moves. He will buy dinner and I will buy the drinks afterwards. Or vice versa. He is driven and hard working, but not on a Sunday morning. Or a Sunday afternoon for that matter. He secretly thinks Dashboard Confessional is kind of awesome in a sad, rainy day kind of way. He can fix things like my toilet that flushes roughly 12 times for every 1 time I push down the handle. He likes his parents. He likes to watch movies but will sometimes make me watch something other than Orange County or Waiting for Guffman. He is, generally speaking, awesome. He doesn't use emoticons or excessive exclamation points in emails. He has been to Europe and would love to go back. Coincidentally enough, he thinks I’m pretty awesome, too.

I apologize to those of you who have already read this, but I was informed this morning that first entry was so deliciously evil that my blog address might be passed along to some relative acquaintances, as opposed to the 6 of you who know when I lick a stamp or change the channel because I probably call you and tell you about it. For like 20 minutes. You are welcome.

So, I got way off topic and I actually do need to do something worthwhile, so hold your breath and I'll be back later to tell you allll about what Mr. Family Guy wrote back. It's super exciting.

SIKE.