Day 5

Dear 37 year-old man that winked at me at 9:09 am this morning:

If our age difference was a girl, there's a good chance she would be having sex by now. She would be taking driver's ed and fighting with her mother in the dressing room at Abercrombie about how short is too short when it comes to skirts. She would argue that as long as it almost covers both ass cheeks, we're good to go, and the cologne-soaked, puka-shell wearing sales assistant stationed outside not to help people find things but instead to simply look hot and ask asinine questions like "Are you ready for spring break?" as people walk in would agree with her. Her mom would then probably (a) realize that when her daughter had said she needed to go on the pill because her cramps were so bad they were making her vomit, she was probably lying and (b) start crying in public. This would embarrass our age difference and both of them would stomp out of the mall in a huff and drive home in complete silence with only the soothing drone of NPR slicing through the dead quiet.

If our age difference were a guy, he would still have braces and horrible acne, and yet will still have managed to cop a feel on the girl version of our age difference.

Think about it. And never wink at me again.