Day 21

Oh dear god - Just READING my gmail with all of the match.com business in the middle of my parents' kitchen down in AZ made me feel like I was trying to hide a drug addiction...except instead of needles and paraphernalia it was winks and awkward e-mails. I won't bore you with details except to say that only by the grace of god did I managed to grab the message sent to me by yet another 31 year-old off the printer that I accidentally printed out instead of my flight information before my father saw it.

One of these days he is going to find out and I am going to have some 'splaining to do.

But until then...

So the guy who winked at me with the emoticon at the end of the profile? Yeah, turns out he wasn't being ironic - Note the FIRST SENTENCE of the email he sent me:


"First off I don't mean to be mean or anything but I don't know that a penguin is a water-based mammal :-P"

Okay.

1) ENOUGH WITH THE EMOTICONS. You are a 24 year-old man. You should have outgrown the tongue-sticking-out-smiley-face by now. Figure out a different want to express your emotions...like sarcasm.
2) "I don't mean to be mean or anything"? Seriously? What is this, 5th grade and you're my friend Christine who would start out every other sentence to just about everybody including teachers with the words " no offence but..."? Come on.
3) Are you seriously correcting my profile in which I am clearly trying NOT to be serious? I don't know how much all you randos know about me, but just ask the person who I know who told you about my blog and they will tell you: I HATE BEING CORRECTED. I mean, I'm a reasonable person. If I'm wrong I'll admit it. But I mean, seriously? You're going to take issue with my assertion that I (a) like penguins and (b) think that penguins are mammals in sentence one? Next thing you know he'll be telling me to rethink that whole wanting-to-make-out-with-PC-from-the-Mac-commercials thing because I was wrong about that too...

OH WAIT.

"What if you got a chance to make out with PC from the mac commercials, but it was filmed to make a commercial would you still do it? Of course you would then be forced to watch the commercial there by forcing you to watch making out on TV. "

OH. NO. HE. DIDN'T.

Yes, yes he did.

I'm not even going to comment on that because...well mostly because I don't really understand what he's talking about. I mean, buddy...WHAT? How do you even come up with that situation?

Which leads me to the end of this little diatribe:

"Well I am bored and online a lot so if you want to chat sometime i'm on AIM at dragondogXXX"

THERE's the way to a girl's heart - Spends "a lot of time online" and is "bored" reads "has no job therefore leaving plenty of time to invent ridiculous Mac commercial scenarios" and is "friendless." Thanks but no thanks.

The other guy who responded actually seemed somewhat normal - Plus he's pretty cute. And he's 26 and not 30-38, which is tremendous. For all of us.

I'll keep you posted...but I swear to god, if he starts arguing with me about how awesome cats are, it. is. OVER.

Cats are the opposite of awesome. And penguins ARE mammals.

(Side note: I'm wrong. I just googled it. Penguins are birds, not mammals, so shut up to all you smartasses who were just cuing up the comment page to teach ME a thing or two. Dragon Dog up top already took care of it.)